Subject: You’re a Douchebag (DCD Trick of the Week)

Dear DC Douchebag,

Email subject lines are for the general subject of the email – they are NOT for the actual text of your email.  For example, the following is a flagrant abuse of the subject line:

Now, I know this doesn’t seem like such a terrible crime (and in the grand scheme of your DCD tricks – it’s pretty low).  However, it’s a flag – a big red, DCD, waving flag that the recipient of said email is warned…they are walking in DCD territory – be alert.

This email says several special things about you, my little DCD friend:

1. You are lazy
2. You think you’re too important to send actual proper emails with a REAL subject, greeting, message, and closing (not that tricky, I promise)
3. You don’t think your potential companion is important enough to even bother with an actual full email – you didn’t even write “hey” in the subject line.  C’mon boys, it’s three extra frickin letters and a tap on the return key.  (Your potential date is TOTALLY worth a tap on the return key).
4. If this is how little effort you’re putting in at the beginning of the “relationship” – sweet Christ – imagine how terrible you will be when you actually feel comfortable!!!

So, buck up – take five extra seconds and write an actual email…OR…and I know this is going to sound crazy, but stick with me.  Why don’t you just CALL the girl???  She’ll appreciate it and you’ll avoid this doucher mistake.

Love always – your guide to living a douchebag-free life,

fanfrickingtastic

Living a douchbag-free existence requires constant vigilance…

…much to my own detriment, I forgot this rule.  More than a year ago, I met this guy and I was pretty sure I hated him.  My DCD-senses were tingling something fierce, but I figured worst case scenario he would be good blogging material.  He was.

The only reason I even entertained his foolishness last year is because I was going through a “low” period, and he smelled blood in the water.  Quickly having come to my senses, I have spent a solid year ignoring him.  However, you know life comes in waves and the past few weeks have been crashing against the rocks.  In a moment of weakness, I didn’t ignore him…stupid girl.  The convo went something like this:

Snarky shark:  Can I take you out this week?

Fanfrickingtastic:  Sure, let me check my schedule at work tomorrow.

Snarky shark:  So are you single or am I just buying you drinks to buy you drinks?

Fanfrickingtastic:  F*ck you.

Snarky shark:  Be careful or you won’t get invited on the boat.  (fft sidenote:  like I care) You should call in sick and come out on the boat (like I don’t have actual work to do).

Fanfrickingtastic:  …

Snarky shark:  You going to bring a bathing suit or just let the girls hang out?  (vomit)

Fanfrickingtastic:  Ridiculous

Snarky shark:  So what are you wearing?

End of convo.

How old am I?  15???  Are we in a yahoo chat room?  Who does this shit work on?  Seriously, this is my own damn fault.  I am embarrassed that I even allowed the conversation to get that far.

I’m going to take a shower to get this feeling of ick off me.