Disgruntled in DC

Dear Roomies,

I am sorry if my incessant coughing is keeping you up.  It sure as shit is keeping me awake and watching bad British comedies at 2:30am.  This is COMPLETELY unnecessary.  I adore sleep.  In fact, last night I got nearly 15 hours of sleep due to the wonders of Robitussin…glori-f*cking-ous.   Tonight, assuming that sleep settles in asap, I will be looking at no more than four hours of sleep.  Do you know how poorly I am going to have to treat my coworkers and the lovely constituents of my boss’ district because of this???  It will be a blood massacre (and that’s not good for business).

So, please accept my sincere apology and please join in my letter to nyquil.  I have attached it for your reference.

Lots of love,

Your favorite coughing (and out of Robitussin) roomie, fanrickingtastic

Dear Nyquil,

You Mother F’ers.  If I remember correctly, you are the “the nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so you can rest and have a good morning medicine,” are you not???  Is that supposed to be ironic?  Because I am nighttime coughing, sniffling, and pissed off, and your meds are doing nothing.  How is this possible?  Nyquil is practically a date rape drug with it’s sedative qualities, but here I am wide-eyed and COUGHING at 2:30am.

I demand a refund for this injustice.  Tomorrow night is NYE and I need my beauty rest so that I can be a sparkly little dancing queen.  SO not only do you owe me a refund, but you also owe reparations for the good time I am now NOT going to have tomorrow because I will be tired and very likely STILL coughing.  Please send a check and some Robitussin to the lovely ladies of Euclid St. immediately.

Kthnxbai,

Fanfrickingtastic and the lovely roomie duo, Mariffany