Convenience – Not perfect, but it will do

IMFB, here is your response…finally! Sorry it has taken me so long!

“It’s the perfect trifecta…what could be better than living between a cheap grocery store, a Sheetz gas station, and a dirty, dive bar?!?” According to Fiance #1, the proximity of the aforementioned establishments to our shit hole apartment meant we were living on the most coveted slice of man ground on earth. Even though the apartment (with its brown shag carpeting and fake wood paneled walls) was less than ideal, its amazingly convenient location made it his perfectish, little palace. (Hell, he only slept, ate, and spent 50% of his time in that apartment, why does it matter how nice it is??? It’s got the trifecta!)

This same reasoning can be applied to boys and relationships (at least according to yours truly). They subconsciously do a little balancing equation…whoever they find that satisfies as many of their needs most conveniently wins. It’s simple, painless, and clear cut. If you meet the basic beer, burgers, sex needs and you’re convenient (either in personality, location, religious belief, fill in the blank), then you, dear lucky lady, are the winner of your very own boyfriend.

Now, let’s say you don’t have the convenience factor, and this boy dumps you.  Don’t take the breakup (or the disappearing act) personally. You might be an absolutely fabulous, ridiculously amazing apartment in the sky, but you’re just slightly too far from the nearest dive bar.  (Lame, but true).  So it momentarily sucks that your ego has been bruised, but you’re a hot ass, bangin’ apartment and he’s well… just bangin’ a shit hole of an apartment with brown shag carpeting.

Sidenote: This does not apply to real men like Mr. Fuede McMandals and others. I’m seriously not convenient to Fuede. I am a gigantic pain in the ass. Thanks for putting up with all of my beautifully packaged poo.