Omitting key information is just a slight variation on lying. Generally, I enjoy overlooking this unnecessary detail. However, my conscience occasionally catches up with me and before I know it, I’m blurting out entirely too much information that no one ever needed to know. This is how Fuede was introduced to the blog.
I started off with a bang, “I’ve got a blog. I wrote about you in it. Please don’t read it.”
Fuede looked disgruntled, curious, pissed, disbelieving, real super pissed, confused, and ultra supremely pissed. Fuede said NOTHING. He said nothing for a very long time. Upon seeing this reaction, I realized I probably didn’t handle this situation in the best way, but like I said my conscience attacked me and out it came without preparation or forethought.
Once Fuede regained his voice, he wanted to read the blog. Oh, what a terrible idea! Fuede did not know that his blog name was Fuede McMandals and I was pretty sure he wasn’t going to appreciate it (among other things). I eased into sharing my blog with him by revealing his name. He was slightly amused by the name, since I was honest about my hatred for his mandals. The shirt was more of a surprise and also a mistake on my part. You see, it was REAL suede…not fake suede. It was a real, genuine $90 suede shirt that supposedly garnered him many compliments. (Where are these women that think black, suede, oversized shirts are attractive? Seriously? Reveal your shameful selves, we need to talk.) So, sorry Fuede, your name should have been Suede McMandals…but now you’re stuck with Fuede. Deal. 
After rereading our entire dating history, I decided he could read the blog (of course, then he was miffed and was no longer interested in the blog…the good times never end). We finally settled into reading the blog together. He scrolled through from post to post. He said nothing. He didn’t laugh. He sighed several times. He cracked not a single smile. After the last post, he finally spoke and said, “is that it?” I nodded, because on the inside I wanted to die. I was hating myself for telling him, hating myself for sharing such an intimate space with him, hating myself for being such a bitch via the internets, and hating myself for thinking I’m funny (which I clearly am not to everyone). Needless to say, I was feeling kind of low, and he did not make it easy on me. Truth be told, I would NOT have made it easy on him, if the reverse had been true. In fact, I would have made it insufferably hard (UNLESS of course, his blog was Ithinkfanfrickingtasticisthehottestgirlonearth.com, then I would really enjoy reading about me).
We did manage to work things out. It still isn’t a fun or remotely desired topic, though I’m breaking him down on the idea of blogging and he continues to give me endless, good natured shit about it. I continue to be quite the catch for Fuede McMandals, he’s one lucky guy.
13 responses so far ↓
Lynda // June 20, 2008 at 12:25 am |
You are correct that lying is when you leave out “key” information. The critical point, then, is to define “key.” Perhaps the Blog would not fall under the “need to know” category until your second child together. Over the years, my definition of “need to know” has become increasingly limited. No longer do I accept the invitation to play “what’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done” game. It never ends well, so that info is not “key.”
You’re a lawyer, think of it like this: you can only win summary judgment if there are no “material” facts in dispute. Lots of stuff that would be helpful or nice to include in the motion, but it isn’t “material” – that’s really a limited concept at its essence.
So, try applying a summary judgment standard to your pseudo-boyfriends before putting the information in your statement of facts.
Pare // June 20, 2008 at 2:00 am |
You know, I gotta say, if he doesn’t care for it, fuck ‘em. The man wears mandals. Enough said.
wanderwomyn // June 20, 2008 at 12:17 pm |
Hahaha! Lynda should blog
Diggin’ it.
Frank L // June 20, 2008 at 1:16 pm |
Either you do something incredibly right, or he is unfamiliar with the “foot in the ass” standard usually applied to girls who publicly clown you behind your back.
Diane // June 20, 2008 at 2:14 pm |
He seems to have recovered well from being called Fuede McMandals. However – a real suede shirt? I know those were big in the late 80s or early 90s but I had no idea that real suede ones were still being sold. Fuede has been sold a bill of goods by women with no taste if he was told it was a nice shirt. Thank heavens he found you – so you can fix his wardrobe and then tell us about it. Tell him it is WAAAAY cheaper than therapy!
fanfrickingtastic // June 20, 2008 at 4:04 pm |
Frank – I do many things incredibly right. Quit being such a hater! I’m coming to hate on your blog ASAP.
imfb // June 20, 2008 at 9:33 pm |
Oh man, Frank is rough!
Frank L // June 21, 2008 at 6:45 pm |
some like it rough
I’ve got my own rich dating history which informs some of that rough (or what I would call fair and direct) tone-and I always give the benefit of the doubt. I swear!
Oh and Bring the hatin to my blog! I need the web traffic
Actually, I’d be interested in what you (and your largely female following) thought of this post anyway:
http://thesoftlounge.com/blog/?p=712
Jackie // June 23, 2008 at 1:15 am |
I just happened to stumble upon your blog today. Although Fuede may not have laughed or even smiled while reading your posts, I certainly did…to the point where my fiance looked over and was like “what is so funny over there…”
magda // June 23, 2008 at 10:19 pm |
I still think it was incredibly brave of you to share the blog with this McMandals character. I’m glad it’s worked out so far! And I hope he keeps appreciating the blog for the wonderfulness that it is. Suede/Fuede or not, he’d better!
ashley // June 30, 2008 at 2:16 am |
Oh, shit. You’re brave.
My hubby always got/gets annoyed when I share my “private feelings with the WHOLE! WORLD!” (Which? Please, honey, don’t flatter my little blog.)
Persephone // July 4, 2008 at 6:46 am |
Just found your ex-el-unt blog and I have to say, this post brought back some uncomfortable memories of my own…uh…unveiling of my blog to my boyfriend. Let’s just say it was a shitstorm of epic proportions. He recovered but still has PTSD, poor bastard.
sandrar // September 10, 2009 at 1:37 pm |
Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog.
Cheers! Sandra. R.