He immediately changes the subject as the familiar look of panic flickers in my eyes. Actually, it more than flickers…it settles into the date like an unwanted overnight guest. It doesn’t matter how many times he changes the subject to light hearted, inconsequential topics, panic is here for the night. I am Sham, and Sham does NOT like talk of the future.
Fuede McMandals, however, will not go down without a solid fight. He embraces my panic, hell, the man lathers up with my panic and blows little mocking, panic bubbles in my face. Fairly infuriating…to say the very least. He’ll tell me he really likes me, I’ll say “thanks.” He’ll talk about when we meet each other’s families, I’ll make “your mom” jokes. He’ll tell me I’m beautiful, I’ll tell him I hate his mandals, fuede, and unbuttoned, oversized shirts. He just keeps plugging along. He laughs at my crazy, ignores my mean, and thinks I’m cute when I’m crabby. On top of all that, he plays me this song:
Sample lyrics from Billy Joel’s Innocent Man
I know you’re only protecting yourself
I know you’re thinking of somebody else
Someone who hurt you
But I’m not above
Making up for the love
You’ve been denying you could ever feel
I’m not above doing anything
To restore your faith if I can
I know you don’t want to hear what I say
I know you’re gonna keep turning away
But I’ve been there and if I can survive
I can keep you alive
I’m not above going through it again
I’m not above being cool for a while
If you’re cruel to me I’ll understand
What kind of fool puts up with this BS and then does such sweet things??? Well I guess for the time being, he’s my fool. Stupid heart…why won’t you work properly? Piece of trash heart. Get.it.together.
11 responses so far ↓
Marianne // May 30, 2008 at 11:44 am |
This is so often the way isn’t it? I think there’s supposed to be some kind of survival hormone that kicks in at some point that enables you to find kind supportive guys more attractive than the mean ones…
Angela // May 30, 2008 at 2:18 pm |
GAH. The males of this species seriously suck. Like Brian. And this Fuede-man of yours. Let’s throw rocks at them.
fanfrickingtastic // May 30, 2008 at 2:27 pm |
Angela, Brian is going to require more than a rock. I suggest we deliver some strategically placed pipe bombs (j/k feds).
I hope my ability to like the nice guy kicks in seriously soon or I’m in trouble.
imfb // May 30, 2008 at 8:47 pm |
It’ll kick in, I’m not concerned. This guy seems like he’ll be patient enough to wait for it to kick in too.
Frank L // May 30, 2008 at 9:07 pm |
If you haven’t, you should read “The Female Brain” by Dr. Louann Brizendine.” It really does a fantastic job of explaining the Bio-chemical things that happen in the brains of women (what with yer chemistry being all different and strange and all).
If you want to like nicer guys, start holding babies. That nesting instinct kicks in and you start having different priorities and people start looking different to you. Or at least that’s what the science says.
Really it all boils down to you chicks being all crazy and nuts and stuff. Meh.
fanfrickingtastic // May 30, 2008 at 9:19 pm |
I’m going to knee you in the balls for that baby comment. I don’t want to hold any nasty little babies. Other people’s babies are very cute, but I am perfectly fine sans nurturing instinct. Plus, I like being crazy, it makes me interesting.
Frank L // May 30, 2008 at 10:18 pm |
Hey-I was just saying that it was the baby instinct that gets girls into the “Mindset” to like nicer guys. You do what’cha like, just leave my balls out of it (they get busted enough as it is).
No one’s twisting your arm Lil’ Ms. Interesting.
Lynda // May 31, 2008 at 3:27 am |
First, I second the recommendation of The Female Brain – it actually explains why men MAKE us nuts.
Second, an observation – you and Fuede are not so different, you are just much better dressed. Both of you are wanting to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you.
Next, understand and ACCEPT this truth: Any man who is not smart enough to want you is not smart enough to have you.
Now, a concern. Fuede is WAY too into the chase, he seems to like the challenge and putting up with mean comments. My guess is that the minute he actually got you, he might lose interest, as he is enjoying this challenge way too much. Of greater concern: he doesn’t actually seem to be listening to how you feel. You tell him mean things, he talks about meeting your mom. If he isn’t taking you seriously now, then he probably won’t later either. Of greatest concern: this dude has no self respect. No worthy woman wants a man who lets her push him around; his pathetic hanging on may even be part of what is repelling you.
As a fellow victim of romanticizing-the-past, here are some fun (and some not so fun but realistic) ways to get over an ex. 1) picture him naked after either a cold shower or working out; both sweaty and shrinkage are NOT attractive images (exception for sweaty Indiana Jones); 2) remember that you could NEVER trust him not to hurt you again; 3)know that you WOULD make him pay for hurting you; 4) really look at his picture – ask your friendswhat drugs you were on to make you think this guy was anywhere near your level; 5) realize that he has probably not characterized you favorably and has likely disclosed intimate details to later women – would you really want to be with such a jerk? 6) write down every single annoying habit he ever had – quite a long list, isn’t it? 7) start drinking and tell your friends about the fights you had and how they were all his fault (b/c let’s face it, they probably were). You will probably end up laughing at what an idiot he is. Just make sure you hand over the cell phone to avoid drunk dialing before the process is complete.
If this does not work, remember that the women who wrote “Having Our Say” who lived well into their 100s and on their own never got married or had kids. No coincidence there.
Angela // May 31, 2008 at 2:38 pm |
You bring the pipe bombs, I’ll bring the rocks.
Diane // June 3, 2008 at 3:46 pm |
I say if you aren’t into it – walk away. Just because you should like him doesn’t mean that you will. If that doesn’t work – just aim for his vital organs when you throw the first rock. He should get that message loud and clear!
Babycakes // June 3, 2008 at 9:42 pm |
this is a very quirky blog!