Bad news. I’m in a relashamship. A relashamship is an interaction where one party believes they are in or working steadily towards a relationship and the other party is entirely oblivious to any such level of commitment. There are two main characters…Relationshipper and Sham. Relationshipper (R for short) is usually great. R is all about making plans, futuristic talk of children and vacations together on the beach, cuddling, canoodling, late night phone calls, PDAs and the like. Sham, on the other hand, is just chillin. Sham is happy to be there, loves the attention, thinks R is great, probably showered and shaved for R, but also doesn’t really miss R when R is gone. Sham just refocuses attention to S or T or work or the wall or sparkly things…oooh sparkly things.
Anyhow, I am Sham. Latest date guy (fuede) is most definitely R. He is so adorably R, I wish I could be all R’in it up with him…but I am sham and sham is a stone. A cold, hard stone.
I might grow out of Sham and spread my little love dove wings to rise up and meet R, but at the same time R could just as easily do a nose dive into Shamville (that’s where things get UGLY – unless of course, I’m still chillin in Shamville too…then things just get fun). Needless to say, relashamships suck (like your mom).
This insightful view into Shamville, USA has been brought to you by your favorite crazy girl,
Fanfrickingtastic
P.S. This relashamship revelation has provided remarkable insight into my last “relationship”…I was R in that one. Just in case you were confused…being R blows (also like your mom).
12 responses so far ↓
LDP // May 16, 2008 at 6:05 pm |
I just started reading your blog, but I had to comment because you gave a name to my current situation! Oh yeah I love being able to label it! I am the Sham in this case and I feel guilty (but not guilty enough to just break it off) Maybe I can become an R…
Lynda // May 17, 2008 at 1:22 am |
What happens when the R and the S are the same person? They are moving towards a relationship and then, within hours, are in don’t-care-ville? What letter do they become? I am thinking “A” and “H” come to mind.
Several options: bolt without explanation (aka “be the typical guy”), discuss openly ala “let’s have a talk” with him (aka “be the typical woman”), or allow youself 1-2 more dates maybe doing something you know you love doing with a guy to see if a spark catches (aka, the “sane” approach that no one takes).
Ever watch that show “Next” where at any point in the date the person can yell “Next” and the other one has to go away immediately? We need a “Next” rule in real life.
fanfrickingtastic // May 17, 2008 at 3:21 pm |
I was thinking that maybe I could become an R, too. However, I’m still feeling pretty shamish so I’m just going to feel things out. R continues to be amazing, so perhaps I can get there.
I’ve found that R and Sham are often in the same person. R in person one sticks around just long enough to turn Sham in person two into an R, then R in person one does the aforementioned nosedive into Shamville. Oh well. I’ll just wait for a man who loves both in me.
lawyerish // May 18, 2008 at 10:57 pm |
I’m sure you can get there. You haven’t had an easy time on the relationship front lately, give yourself some time. I’m sure things will be fine.
fanfrickingtastic // May 19, 2008 at 11:40 am |
Thanks, lawyerish. I have to say R is making quite the effort, it’s both comforting and frightening…hence all the crazy posts.
I’m working on relaxing.
The Kid from Boston // May 19, 2008 at 1:33 pm |
Please do not keep us waiting any longer for this past weekends blog.
Thank you
Heater // May 20, 2008 at 5:40 pm |
The suspense is killing me. Please blog about your weekend. Its been longer than 2 minutes. The City of Boston is on the edge of their seats in anticipation.
Diane // May 20, 2008 at 6:12 pm |
You will be fine – just give yourself time and listen to your instincts. As long as he is giving you time to feel comfortable with him and not pressuring you to do anything – it will be OK. Just pour yourself another glass of wine!
fanfrickingtastic // May 20, 2008 at 7:19 pm |
Bostonians,
Remember how I did not sleep Saturday night…you know, cause I was too busy being a prostitute on the corner of rape alley and D-rag’s street? Well I still haven’t slept…I’m almost at the same level as my attentive taxi cab driver. I will nap tonight and write the blog. Use your left hand to entertain yourselves until then.
Diane, yesssss…more wine indeed.
Marianne // May 20, 2008 at 10:27 pm |
This is very true. I have certainly been Sham, I guess it takes the right person and suddenly it seems completely natural that you are both full-on crazy Rs!
Gertrude // May 24, 2008 at 10:07 pm |
I just noticed this post and it reminds me a lot of a passage from a book I just had to read for my fiction class, The Ballad of the Sad Cafe by Carson McCullers. She has a passage that discusses the differences of “the lover” vs. “the beloved”. Very insightful. You can find it here if you really want to see it.
Anyways, I believe I am also a sham, attempting to reform.
Shamvasion « FanFrickingtastic // May 30, 2008 at 4:04 am |
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