Nothing can make you miss an ex-boyfriend faster, than knowing what’s out there on the dating scene. Suddenly, the questionably “little” flaws of an Ex seem downright stellar.
- You drank 9 days a week??? Fabulous, Ex-boyfriend, you’re really committed to your hobbies.
- You failed to mention your lovely wife and children??? Oh, Ex-boyfriend, I’m sorry. Since when is being slightly forgetful such a big flaw?! Never.
- You lied as often as you opened your mouth??? What lies? Ex-boyfriend, you’re just a creative story teller (and you are soooo right, your secretary’s baby looks nothing like you. She’s the liar! Obviously).
The dating world cannot possibly be that bad that anyone would miss an ex-boyfriend of the above caliber. Au contraire, dear reader, it is. It sadly, sadly is.
I’ve had several dates in the last two weeks with men of extremely varying qualities. Yet, somehow, one theme runs through them all. Eventhough I am dressed for these dates in really adorable and modest business attire (love post-work happy hour dates!), I still consistently feel like I am wearing a sign that says “fresh meat.” It’s as if they are only entertaining my hilarious stories long enough to get 3+ glasses of wine in me so that they can suggest, we go “watch a movie at their [shockingly, conveniently located] apartment.” No thanks, losers. I much prefer stumbling home to my roommie, so that we can laugh [and sometimes cry] about how lame men are.
So, Universe, I’m just going to put this out there. Is it possible to go a date with a guy who might actually just appreciate me without “trying to watch a movie with me” on the first night? Any chance that there is a guy out there who might just walk me home to my door and leave happily with only a kiss? Any chance that you could send him in a hurry? [That last request was just plain greedy...I'll take him any time. Well, since I'm being greedy, if he would also sing to me that would be AWESOME. I'll put in my request for "Hey Jude" now so that he can learn the lyrics.] Many thanks, Universe!
Love you lots,
Fanfrickingtastic
12 responses so far ↓
Jamie // May 6, 2008 at 7:45 pm |
Come on, Universe. Give the girl a break!
Here’s hoping a good one will come around!
Lynda // May 7, 2008 at 1:35 am |
Ex-bf’s are like spoiled milk. You take it out of the fridge, it smells bad. You put it back. A few days later, you are thirsty, so you go back to the fridge. You again take out the spoiled milk. Guess what – it did NOT get any better with the passage of time, you just forgot it was spoiled. Just b/c you are thirsty doesn’t mean the milk got any better with time. If it stank before, it stinks worse now. It’s like we get a form of dating-Alzheimers.
When I want to stop missing an ex, I stop dating entirely and take a hiatus from dating. Once I expect nothing of them, they rarely disappoint me. This does not mean celibacy. To the contrary, I find that using them just to “watch a movie” and then let them leave the home theater before the credits finish rolling is usually sufficient (oh, and if they can open a jar or carry something heavy for me before they leave, BONUS).
The combination of movie-watching-only and refusing to expect them to actually be a real man seems to get me over wanting one of them. Plus, there’s no drama, no disappointment, and it’s all on my terms, so it’s really easy. But, I’ve only figured that out in recent years (i.e. my mid- thirties). Plus, not spending money on a BF leaves more money for shoes and happy girl things.
Lynda // May 7, 2008 at 1:37 am |
Plus, friends are EXCELLENT at reminding you just how much of a jerk he REALLY was. When in doubt, consult a friend, preferably one who always hated the guy.
SatinBarbie // May 7, 2008 at 1:03 pm |
Yup! I feel like the “fresh meat” logo is stamped across my forehead!! If by chance you find one of these “decent’ men, ask if he’s got a brother!!!
fanfrickingtastic // May 7, 2008 at 4:57 pm |
Yay, I love having a universe cheering squad. The universe may or may not have answered, since I have a date tonight with a man who is shocking gentleman. I don’t even know what to make of him…I’m guessing it will implode in a hurry.
If it doesn’t, I’ll check on whether he has a brother.
I heart “movie watching,” but men are generally so bad at it that it depresses me and makes me want more spoiled milk. It’s a vicious cycle. But your plan has several worthwhile points with which I wholly concur.
DatingatForty // May 7, 2008 at 8:52 pm |
If the universe actually sent you a gentleman will you please let it know it should expect a call from me any second so it can start rummaging around for another? I’m hoping for you!
lawyerish // May 8, 2008 at 3:19 am |
“Come over for a movie”? Really? Even if you like one of these boys, you’re officially not allowed to sleep with him unless he can come up with something better than that. They need to bring their A-game, this is just weak.
lawyerish // May 8, 2008 at 3:25 am |
Also, was is my little icon pink? Shouldn’t that be yours? Can I change it?
lawyerish // May 8, 2008 at 3:27 am |
That should read: “why is”
fanfrickingtastic // May 8, 2008 at 4:43 am |
Lawyerish, if you don’t wan to be the pink icon, then you’ll have to comment earlier. I think the better question is…why are the icons so fugly? What man designed these gross quilty icons? And how do I make it stop?
Dating, I’m calling the universe for you ASAP.
Well played, Universe, well played. « FanFrickingtastic // May 8, 2008 at 6:40 am |
[...] of questions about me (loooove talking about me). Lots of talk about his music (super sexy…“hey jude” is just around the corner, I can feel it). Scheduled second date approximately 3/4 of the way through the first date. Exactly [...]
Babycakes // May 8, 2008 at 9:07 pm |
I think the best way of dealing with some exes is blocking email addresses and deleting phone numbers.